Ponderings of a Scott

So, this is the follow-up to my blog post from yesterday.  If you have not read that one yet, go back and read it as it has what actually happened this week. 

The following is my musings on what I should do in the next couple months.  Things have kinda been turned on their heads, and I don’t know what will happen anymore.  Any suggestions or ideas from anyone are more than welcome as I try to figure things out.

 

So her is the situation.  Part of the flagship program is several months of internship while in China.  I was actually pretty excited for this opportunity, as it was something I didn’t know else I could get.  Unfortunately there was a problem, the center over arranging flagships was closed.  So as of now, I don’t have an internship for next semester.  My own attempts have also failed at finding an internship.

To add to this problem, right before I came to China two things happened, first I was offered a job at Microsoft, and second I talked to a Microsoft employee and found out that they have a Marco Polo program that sends workers to China to work.  So basically I came to realize that if I wanted to go and work in China, it would be pretty easy to go with an international software company.  This took away a little of the glamour of the internship portion of Flagship, as I could do something bigger and better just as easy as as part of a full time job.

 

So where things stand is that I still don’t have an internship, and everything dealing with an internship is all maybes.  There are three possibilities, I will find a good CS internship, I can work doing research for a CS professor, or I could end up with an internship whose only value is that it takes place in China.  Obviously that last option is what I fear most, I don’t just want to be a “white monkey” for four months of internship.  As I was considering what to do I realized that I did have a fourth option.  I could return home after the semester finishes in China, around January 15th.

 

So now I have to think of the pros and cons of each option.  Staying in China all share a common con, which is that when I return home I will not have time to finish my Chinese degree before grad school starts, and also that I will not have any break time between when school ends and when I start grad school.  The common pro is that I will be able to finish flagship and get a certificate, that while means nothing, gives me a sense of completion.  Option 1, finding a good CS internship, has no additional cons, but is full of obvious benefits.  This is the optimal solution, but it is really unlikely at this point.  Option 2, working with a CS professor, would be cool because this I will never have another chance to do something like this, but it has the con of being with a professor who is doing research in an area I am not too interested in.  The third option, finding a “white monkey” internship, has no additional pros and I feel would just be a waste of my time.

What I fear most is that it is the “white monkey” internship will be what will happen.  Then I will basically just be staying in China to finish flagship.  I guess it is just my personality, I really don’t want to get stuff having a 9-5 internship where I don’t do anything of meaning.

So option 4 is to return home.  This option is hard on me for several reasons.  The first is that I am one that likes to finish what he starts, and I would like to finish flagship.  Ironically, this is also one of the pros, if I return home in January there is a possibility that I could finish my Chinese degree, which I cannot do otherwise.  Another con is that I am a little scared of returning home.  This is not something I have considered until just recently, and as such I haven’t been able to plan everything out.  I would return to a world full of responsibilities that I more or less could ignore while I was in China.  I would also start school 2 weeks late, which would turn my first bit back home in to a very hectic time.

The benefits to returning home are pretty obvious, I will get to see all of my family and friends.  It has been really hard to not see my family with all that is happening.  I just looked at pictures from my nephew’s first birthday and it broke my heart that I wasn’t there.  This is some of the last times that I am guaranteed to be with my friends and family, and this chance is going by without me taking advantage of it.  Grad school could see me living far, far away from my family.  The other benefit is that I could finish my Chinese degree, and also have a break between the two semesters.  If I came home I could also go on the site visits for grad school.

 

From reading this it is probably clear that emotionally I am leaning towards home.  The problem is that I don’t make decisions based on my emotions, but rather based on my reasoning.  In that regard I am really split.  I really don’t know what is the best option.  I wrote this for two reasons, to get my thoughts down on “paper”, and also to get suggestions from my friends and family.  So like I said, if you have any thoughts or opinions I would love to hear them.